I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
