Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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