cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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