How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
