Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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