Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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