I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
