I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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