look no pants
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
