sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
