you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Panties = found
Randomize
