I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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