im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My vagina just clenched in fear
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
