Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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