dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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