i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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