I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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