I wish I could punch you in the face.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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