Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everclear isn't food dammit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
