I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What a dumb baby whore.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
