maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
