he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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