When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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