Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
