oh god the rape fog is back!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She bit a glass in half.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
