i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
