1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
