There is no way he is gay with that hair.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
