I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
