You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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