my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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