I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
