She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
