is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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