hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
