im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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