I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
