You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
