He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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