Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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