I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
