He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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