On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
