Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
