The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
