she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
a search helicopter?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
