Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
