Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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