I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
