I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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