You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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