idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
